Need help, please read, advice/help needed?

hi everyone.


i'm pretty new on here, but i have a question.





well, i was sexually abused by my grandad when i was 16. it started when i went on holiday with my grandparents, and we all got drunk one night, and i sat on the balcony with my grandad when we arrived back in our room. my grandma went off to make us something to eat, and i was sat next to him, and he began by just holding my hand on my knee, but then he pulled his hand away and began rubbing my crotch, then asking me if i was 'going to sleep yet' (i assume now that he mean was i having an orgasm - obviously NOT!) i just said yes and froze to the spot. i didn't know what to do. he then asked me to unzip my pants, but i said no, and he kept saying please, but i kept saying no, so he just rubbed my crotch again. then i said i was going to see how my gran was getting on in the kitchen area.





i was 16, so it's not as though i was a kid and that i didn't know or understand, like if i was a young child, so i should have known to push his hand away, stand up and scream for everyone to hear to know what he had just done.





since we had got back, it stopped until a few years later when me and my mum went to my grandparents house and they were getting drunk, and as we were saying goodbye, my grandad stroked my back and tried to touch my bottom. i pulled away and moved to the other side of the room.





i am now 24 and happily married, but i still think about it and my husband wants me to see a psychiatrist so i can talk to someone about it, as he can't help me, he just wants to kill him! i get upset whenever i've had a drink.





i haven't said anything to the family as i didn't want to hurt them, and there is no evidence of anything so no one would believe me and the police wouldn't do anything neither because of this, i'm sure.





has anyone been in this situation, and how do i go about seeing a psychiatrist/councellor?





thanks, sorry for the long read, but i need help.Need help, please read, advice/help needed?
Sorry to hear what has happened and it doesn't matter that you where 16,he abused you.


You NEED to tell people to stop this happening to others and STOP the viscous circle that abusers cause. It is not a taboo subject anymore and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.


To get help you need to see your doctor who will put you in touch with a councillor.


Best of luck.Need help, please read, advice/help needed?
I think you should also talk to your parents. There is no question of hurting feeling. Think about the your feeling, how they have been hurt. In these types of situations, parents turns to be for beyond the doctors.





http://mindfulnessmantra.blogspot.com
You are very lucky skipping the abuse.


Abuse is a mental defect.He must be shown to psychiatrist/councellor at that time.





Make urself busy.Forget the past.Don't try to see the past.


Do exercise,do some job.





Don't be depressed.You are very healthy.





Meditate.
i dont care if he's your grandfather or not, he took advantage of you, report him to the authorities, and do it soon. if your family dont stand by you, then their not REALLY family are they.
I am so sorry. I am now 65, but my grandfather did a similar thing to me when I was about 13. I have never told anyone about it - except you now. I think about it now and then, but my grandfather is long passed away, and there is no point in causing trouble. I often wonder if he did a similar thing to his other granddaughters - one of them my own baby sister, but have never had the courage to ask them. We are all grown up now and happily married.





My niece had similar problems with her grandfather (no relation to me) and eventually told someone. It turned out he had abused a number of his granddaughters and their friends, and was eventually taken to court and placed in a special mental hospital for life.





There is nothing you can do about your own past, but if there are other children he has access to, do you think you should do something to protect them?





If you really feel you need to see a psychiatrist you will need to go through your GP.
Sexual abuse is rampant. yes, I think you should see a therapist. Is your grandfather still alive? THere is no reason why anyone would not believe you. You can get a referral for a therapist from a hospital or perhaps someone you know. I also suggest you call a rape crisis center; they can help, also.





THe pain won't go away until you begtin to process it. I was also molested as a child.





I believe in ';restorative Justice';--this is what you did. This is how it made me feel. It doesn't matter what the criminal thinks or says; only how YOU feel. You were violated. You CAN take your power back. You could write your grandfather a letter, or confront him in person (with an advocate/therapist), so you could feel safe.





I believe that for victims to remain silent, is just re-victimizing yourself. Unfortunately being molested as a child is so common; just horrific.





I am the moderator of an abused survivors group. If you would like to contact me: wacalice@aol.com





Hugs, Alice
You sound like you are blaming yourself for this. You were young and obviously shocked by this and would guess be worried by the repercussions of outing your grandad.





You definitely need to see a psychiatrist. Go to your doctor and get put in contact with someone.





It is a difficult one for you but what if he does it to someone else? At the end of the day you need to weigh up what this will mean if you do go to the police. Ask yourself the question though 'Should he be allowed to get away with making you feel like this?' I think not.





Good luck.